Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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