3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
