yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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