i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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