i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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