It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
