I can text with my tongue
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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