The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
