I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
