New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We left the knife in your bed.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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