the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
