Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
