Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
