Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
