Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
