It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
