Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
