I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
