Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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