don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
