they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
