I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
