I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
