Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
