Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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