If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
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