There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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