I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
