38 yer olds are good kisserssss
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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