He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
