I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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