My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize