I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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