you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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