In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize