I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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