he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
