i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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