apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
