I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
