I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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