you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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