Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i now understand why vodka
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
