i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
