I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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