Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
