he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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