11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
