Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
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He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
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I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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