You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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