i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
