Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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