WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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