Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
