im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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