The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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