don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
