**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
