His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
