I'm going to jail i love you
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
