As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
