I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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