pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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