i think my tv is drunk
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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