you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
