So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
worst night to have a conscience
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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