fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
