Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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