hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
