so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
bring money and cleavage
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
