I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
