counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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