I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
