just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
