maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
